yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
