all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
