Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
