Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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