How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
