I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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