1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
