I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
