As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
