I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So much rum. So many feels.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So vagazzling was a success
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
