Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
