how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
