I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
only you would photoshop your dick
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
