How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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