Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
