I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
