u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
