Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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