Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
