You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I need a beard to bite.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
