please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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