he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
