I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
