Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
