yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
