sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
