:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
