When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i drank out of a bidet.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
