So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
