Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
