I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
