I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
