I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
