mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
