I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
