Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
