If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
