she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
