why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
