I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
