The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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