ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
