i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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