How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
