He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
