Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
