halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
