Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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