Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
