all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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