her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
