i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
