the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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