Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
